Last Name

I think it’s ironic that this morning two songs came across my Glee Pandora station (one right after another) that were about pressing onward.

“Smile” (it was a cover of Charlie Chaplin) is about smiling even though things around you aren’t perfect and make you want to break down.

“We are the Champions” by Queen was the second song that played. :) I would guess you all know what that song is about.  (I love that I am speaking to the ambiguous *you all* even though I know that there is no one reading my blog at this point – and I doubt that there will ever be – got to love the optimism I have! Lol)

While I sit here in the Cupcake Café on 9^th and 40^th, studying for my last final, eating a really awful poppy seed muffin and drinking a really bitter latte, it oddly strikes me that I am happy.  It’s only a few days before I head back to California for the summer – something I almost decided against – and my life is the epitome of a roaming ball of steaming stress, I have things in my life that have brought me to a point of satisfaction. 

Lol :) Breathe by Anna Nalick (you’ve heard this song before I’m sure… “Breathe, just breathe.  Breathe, just breathe.”) just came on.  Again, ironic.

Last night I had a great talk with Laura, one of my roommates, and I woke up this morning feeling refreshed.  Laura is a rock.  We talked about the summer, skyping, this year, stress, and what next year will be like too.  One thing that I love about Laura is that she and I are so incredibly different – I have a lot of friends that are different from me, but Laura and I are different than each other in a unique way compared to all my other friends – and yet over this year we have learned how to understand each other. Or at least we’ve learned how to talk it out until we understand each other, or how to love *not* understanding each other.  Laura and I think in different ways, we have different backgrounds, some different beliefs, a different approach to social activities, and yet she knows how to call me out when I need it.  She knows how to show me she cares.  I love asking her questions and I also love that we are comfortable enough with each other that I can look at her and ask, “What are you thinking about?”  She can reply by saying, “Nothing.”  I can call her a liar with a smile on my face and then after a brief moment of silence she can smile and clarify that, “Ok.  Well, nothing that I want to talk to you about!”  And we both can laugh and find that interaction as completely acceptable.

I don’t think that either Laura or myself enjoy being comfortable with un-comfortableness.  Now, you might be sitting there thinking, “Yeah, well who does?” but I think most people force themselves to be comfortable with un-comfortableness.  I know I have in the past.  A person can easily sit there in the muck of an uncomfortable life and convince themselves that there is no way for them to alter their surrounding circumstance, so, they choose to make themselves feel alright.

LOL “Be Ok” by Ingrid Michelson just started playing – “I just want to be ok, be ok, be ok.  I just want to be ok today.”

There is a difference between heavenly peace and complacency.  But sometimes I wonder if we are too impatient to wait upon the Lord to receive that heavenly peace and so we try to construct a false, shallow, unsatisfactory sense of peace by becoming complacent.

Sometimes, we just need someone to champion us.  I thoroughly understand the feeling of being stressed, tired, and anxious about life only to have someone point out your flaws at one of your weaker moments to begin with.  But is that so upsetting because it hurts to have someone point out a flaw in your life, or is it because we are looking to someone other than God to be our champion? 

:) “Only Hope” from A Walk to Remember just started playing.  “I pray to be only yours.  I pray, to be only yours.  I know now you’re my only hope."

So Lord, here I am.  Take my life and let it be a song only for your ears to hear.  Lord, my actions and the work that I do (King’s students think of Phil Ap for a moment… got to love it when school crosses over to life) is for you and only you.   I want my life to be championed by you.  Let me be worthy of your favor and help my ways be glorifying to your name, because it is your name that I represent.  You have placed your name over my life and my heart longs to live in that just as would I would live under the name of a husband.  Your name is my last name.  You are my champion, and my companion.  You have my heart.  You comfort me and are my strength when I am weak.  You provide for me and you protect the ones I love.  The least I can do is bear your name with honor.