A Cali summer, here I come...

All the leaves are brown,
and the sky is gray.
I've been for a walk,
on a summer's day.


I'd be safe and warm,
if I was in L.A.
California dreamin'
on such a summer's day.


Stopped into a church.
I passed along the way.
Oh, I got down on my knees,
and I pretend to pray.


You know the preacher likes the cold.
He knows I'm gonna stay.
California dreamin'
on such a summer's day.


If I didn't tell her,

I could leave today.

California Dreamin'

on such a summer's day.

(California dreamin')

on such a summer's day.

(California dreamin')

on such a summer's day.

(California dreamin')

on such a summer's day.

-California Dreamin' by the Mamas & the Papas (and I changed "winter" to "summer" just because it seemed more fitting)

<3 Stay excellent New York!  See you soon California!

Heyo

I feel like a little piece of my heart just broke off. Just spent our last night together in 22C1. They've been my roommates, my friends, and my sisters. My life has been changed because of you, Laura and Kathryn. I love you both dearly and no matter where we are, that will NEVER change.

wow. I'm done.

I'm officially done with my freshman year of college.

Wow.

An Original Masterpeice

Last Name

I think it’s ironic that this morning two songs came across my Glee Pandora station (one right after another) that were about pressing onward.

“Smile” (it was a cover of Charlie Chaplin) is about smiling even though things around you aren’t perfect and make you want to break down.

“We are the Champions” by Queen was the second song that played. :) I would guess you all know what that song is about.  (I love that I am speaking to the ambiguous *you all* even though I know that there is no one reading my blog at this point – and I doubt that there will ever be – got to love the optimism I have! Lol)

While I sit here in the Cupcake Café on 9^th and 40^th, studying for my last final, eating a really awful poppy seed muffin and drinking a really bitter latte, it oddly strikes me that I am happy.  It’s only a few days before I head back to California for the summer – something I almost decided against – and my life is the epitome of a roaming ball of steaming stress, I have things in my life that have brought me to a point of satisfaction. 

Lol :) Breathe by Anna Nalick (you’ve heard this song before I’m sure… “Breathe, just breathe.  Breathe, just breathe.”) just came on.  Again, ironic.

Last night I had a great talk with Laura, one of my roommates, and I woke up this morning feeling refreshed.  Laura is a rock.  We talked about the summer, skyping, this year, stress, and what next year will be like too.  One thing that I love about Laura is that she and I are so incredibly different – I have a lot of friends that are different from me, but Laura and I are different than each other in a unique way compared to all my other friends – and yet over this year we have learned how to understand each other. Or at least we’ve learned how to talk it out until we understand each other, or how to love *not* understanding each other.  Laura and I think in different ways, we have different backgrounds, some different beliefs, a different approach to social activities, and yet she knows how to call me out when I need it.  She knows how to show me she cares.  I love asking her questions and I also love that we are comfortable enough with each other that I can look at her and ask, “What are you thinking about?”  She can reply by saying, “Nothing.”  I can call her a liar with a smile on my face and then after a brief moment of silence she can smile and clarify that, “Ok.  Well, nothing that I want to talk to you about!”  And we both can laugh and find that interaction as completely acceptable.

I don’t think that either Laura or myself enjoy being comfortable with un-comfortableness.  Now, you might be sitting there thinking, “Yeah, well who does?” but I think most people force themselves to be comfortable with un-comfortableness.  I know I have in the past.  A person can easily sit there in the muck of an uncomfortable life and convince themselves that there is no way for them to alter their surrounding circumstance, so, they choose to make themselves feel alright.

LOL “Be Ok” by Ingrid Michelson just started playing – “I just want to be ok, be ok, be ok.  I just want to be ok today.”

There is a difference between heavenly peace and complacency.  But sometimes I wonder if we are too impatient to wait upon the Lord to receive that heavenly peace and so we try to construct a false, shallow, unsatisfactory sense of peace by becoming complacent.

Sometimes, we just need someone to champion us.  I thoroughly understand the feeling of being stressed, tired, and anxious about life only to have someone point out your flaws at one of your weaker moments to begin with.  But is that so upsetting because it hurts to have someone point out a flaw in your life, or is it because we are looking to someone other than God to be our champion? 

:) “Only Hope” from A Walk to Remember just started playing.  “I pray to be only yours.  I pray, to be only yours.  I know now you’re my only hope."

So Lord, here I am.  Take my life and let it be a song only for your ears to hear.  Lord, my actions and the work that I do (King’s students think of Phil Ap for a moment… got to love it when school crosses over to life) is for you and only you.   I want my life to be championed by you.  Let me be worthy of your favor and help my ways be glorifying to your name, because it is your name that I represent.  You have placed your name over my life and my heart longs to live in that just as would I would live under the name of a husband.  Your name is my last name.  You are my champion, and my companion.  You have my heart.  You comfort me and are my strength when I am weak.  You provide for me and you protect the ones I love.  The least I can do is bear your name with honor.

Jagulars

“‘There's something in one of the Pine Trees.'

'So there is!' said Pooh, looking up wonderingly. 'There's an animal.'

Piglet took Pooh's arm, in case Pooh was frightened.

'Is it one of the Fiercer Animals?' he said, looking the other way.

Pooh nodded. 'It's a Jagular,' he said.

'What do Jagulars do?' asked Piglet, hoping that they wouldn't.

'They hide in the branches of trees, and drop on you as you go underneath,' said Pooh. 'Christopher Robin told me.'

'Perhaps we better hadn't go underneath, Pooh. In case he dropped and hurt himself.'

'They don't hurt themselves, ' said Pooh. 'They're such very good droppers.'

Piglet still felt that to be underneath a Very Good Dropper would be a mistake, and he was just going to hurry back for something which he had forgotten when the Jagular called out to them.

'Help! Help!' it called.

'That's what Jagulars always do,' said Pooh, much interested. 'They call "Help! Help!" and then when you look up, they drop on you,'

'I'm looking down,' cried Piglet loudly, so as the Jagular shouldn't do the wrong thing by accident.”

Besides the fact that every time I think of this portion of Winnie the Pooh's tale I think of Steven Roe and the AMAZING interp he did of this piece several years back, I saw something tonight that I think will forever be an image that is filed away in my brain's scrapbook of random moments.

I was walking home from an study group we had in the Empire State Building (ESB) and directly after I exited the revolving door, an elderly women passed me.  If she had stood to her full height, she would have been about a foot shorter than me but her shoulders were curled inward and her head was held cowering so far down that I wasn't able to get even a slight glimpse of her face.  I could tell from the way she walked that it wasn't just old age that was causing her to keep her head so downcast.  

She was afraid.  

Afraid of what, I do not know.  After we passed ways, my heart went out to her and the first thing I did was pray for her.  I prayed that this woman would be protected as she made her way home that night and that she would be set free from whatever it was that had a choking grip on her life. And then, for some strange reason I thought of Piglet.  I realized that as this woman had walked alongside the ESB, she had cowered as if looking up would provoke a Jagular to drop on her head. 

Although this may seem silly, I don't want this post to just be a laughing matter.  Seeing this woman made something click in my mind.  

We all have Jagulars in our lives.

It could be something as simple as spiders or cockroaches, or it could be something more large like deadly heights or being electrocuted.  Our Jagular could even be something as meaningful as being loved, being alone, or trusting in someone only to be hurt by them.

The Bible reassures us that as Christians, all things are possible in Christ Jesus.  So... why do we still cower and fear that a Jagular will drop on us?  I think that it's because we haven't taken the time to look at our fears and see if they really are worth being paralyzed by.  I think we also tend to forget that we don't have to face our fears alone.

Psalm 27:1, 6, & 14 proclaims:

“1 The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?  The LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?

6 And now my head shall be lifted up above my enemies all around me; therefore I will offer sacrifices of joy in His tabernacle; I will sing, yes, I will sing praises to the LORD.

14 Wait on the LORD; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; wait, I say, on the LORD!”

Let's stop acting like Piglets.  Let's be Moses, Deborahs, Ruths, Davids, Daniels, and Esters.  They certainly weren't perfect... But they did walk in the strength of the Lord.

*raises head to look up at God*  I dare you to drop on me now you Jagulars, you!  Cause I've got God on my side... Booya!

       Words are funny things. On one hand, they can mean the world to someone, or they could tear someone to shreds. Yet, the meaning of our words are purely based on the meaning we (and the ominous "they" of society at large) assign to them. Just the other night one of my roommates got this funny look on her face and then she burst out asking, "Where did we get the word 'please'? I mean, does it even have a root?" We both thought about it for a moment and then began pondering whether it was a request or plea, or if it was rooted in pleasure.
       My point is, words are simply words and only you and God can decide the impact words will have on your life. My advice would be to speak lovingly, listen patiently, and let every word you speak or think be a prayer to/conversation with God - the one who will always hear you out and understand exactly what your words mean.

<3 Stay excellent